Back-to-school season brings structure back into family life, and that sounds great… in theory.
Then school, work, homework, sports, dinner, laundry, appointments, friends and everything else still have to fit into the same 24 hours. But how?
Sometimes the problem is not that your family needs to become more organized. You may simply need a routine that asks less of everyone.
There is no one schedule that works for every family. A better place to start is figuring out which part of the day is causing the most stress and finding a routine that makes that part a little easier.
How can we make school mornings less stressful?
If mornings feel chaotic, you may not need a more complicated morning routine.
Try giving yourself less to do before everyone leaves.
The night-before reset: Put backpacks by the door, charge devices, pick out clothes and prepare anything that can be handled ahead of time.
Give everyone one job: One child fills water bottles. Another checks backpacks. Younger children can be responsible for putting their shoes by the door or their lunch in their bag.
Create a bare-minimum morning: Decide what absolutely has to happen before everyone leaves and let some of the less important things wait.
A calmer morning may be worth more than a perfectly clean kitchen at 7:15 a.m.
Why does my child fall apart after school?
Kids spend hours listening, learning, socializing and following expectations at school. By the time they get home, some are ready for a break before they can handle homework, activities or more conversation.
Try building a short transition period into the afternoon.
For a child who needs movement: Play outside, ride a bike, walk the dog or find another way to move.
For a child who needs some downtime: Have a snack, listen to music, read, watch a favorite show, play a video game (bet you’re shocked we said that one!) or simply spend a little time alone.
For a child who wants connection: Sit together for a snack and give them an opportunity to talk if they want to.
Parents may need this transition too. Sometimes everyone benefits from 15 minutes when nobody needs anything from anyone else.
How can busy families make dinner easier?
Dinner does not have to look the same every night.
Instead of starting with a complicated meal plan, decide what kind of night you are dealing with.
Cook nights: There is enough time and energy to make dinner.
Fast nights: Quesadillas, scrambled eggs and toast, rotisserie chicken, tortellini with jarred sauce, sandwiches, leftovers or whatever easy family favorite gets everyone fed. Add an easy fruit or vegetable on the side when you can.
On-the-go nights: You already know everyone will be eating between activities, so plan for it ahead of time.
Family-choice nights: Everyone finds something reasonable from what is already available.
Family meals do not have to happen seven nights a week either. Maybe one dinner each week is the meal everyone tries to protect. Maybe breakfast is when you’re most likely to be together. Maybe there is one evening when nobody has anywhere else to be.
Find the routine that works for your household.
How much sleep do school-age kids and teens need?
Children ages 6–12 generally need 9–12 hours of sleep per 24 hours. Teens ages 13–17 generally need 8–10 hours.
Instead of choosing a bedtime at random, work backward from the morning alarm.
If your child needs to wake up at 6:30 a.m., look at how much sleep they need and determine what time they realistically need to be asleep.
Then figure out what keeps pushing bedtime later.
If screens are the problem: Consider a family charging spot outside bedrooms.
If homework is consistently interfering with sleep: Try starting earlier or talking with the teacher if the workload has become difficult to manage.
If activities are making evenings too packed: Look at whether the schedule leaves enough time to eat, shower and wind down before bed.
Sometimes the bedtime itself is not the problem. The hours leading up to it are.
How can families share the mental load?
One person remembering every practice, permission slip, appointment, school event and grocery need is exhausting.
Move some of that information out of one person’s head and into something everyone can see.
That might be:
- A whiteboard in the kitchen
- A shared family calendar
- A paper calendar
- A weekly family check-in
- A checklist near the door
Then give family members ownership when they are ready for it.
Library books can become the child’s responsibility. Older kids can check the family calendar for practice times. Household tasks can be divided instead of automatically falling to one person.
As children grow, they can gradually take on age-appropriate responsibilities that help the household run.
How can families create a routine everyone can count on?
Not every routine needs to be about getting something done. (That might be a good family mantra.)
In fact, some of the best family routines may be the ones everyone looks forward to.
Maybe Friday is always family dinner. One night is leftovers. Saturday morning means pancakes. One evening each week is pizza and a movie. When certain parts of the week become predictable, there are fewer decisions to make and everyone knows what to expect.
The same can be true for household responsibilities. If one person usually cooks and another handles laundry, there is less need to continually figure out who is doing what. As kids get older, they can have responsibilities that become part of their routine too.
You don’t need to assign a theme to every day or create a rigid schedule. Choose a few things that happen consistently and work for your family.
Some routines can help the household run. Others can give everyone something familiar to look forward to.
Both matter.
When is family stress worth talking about with your FHCSL healthcare provider?
Sometimes a busy schedule really is the problem.
Other times, something else may be making daily life harder.
Persistent fatigue, trouble sleeping, frequent headaches or stomachaches, ongoing anxiety, difficulty concentrating, or noticeable changes in mood, appetite, behavior or school performance are worth paying attention to.
You do not have to figure out on your own whether the cause is stress, sleep, the school transition or another health concern.
Your family’s FHCSL provider can help you look at the bigger picture and determine whether anything deserves a closer look.
Before you go…
Think back to the part of this blog that made you stop for a second.
The one that made you think, Yep, that’s us.
Pay attention to that.
Maybe your mornings need some attention. Maybe everyone needs a softer landing after school. Maybe one person is carrying too much of the household mental load. Or maybe your family could use something predictable that has absolutely nothing to do with being productive.
Whatever it was, start there.
Learn a little more about it. Bring it up with your family. And if it’s a health concern, talk with your healthcare provider. Try something that feels realistic and see whether it helps.
Your family doesn’t need an entirely new system by next week. You just found one place that might be worth starting.